Some additions to the Evil Overlord List…

– If I am telepathic, I will use this ability to issue orders and therefore prevent the heroes from overhearing them.

– If a woman possess the MacGuffin and is actively running from me, I will not attempt to gain her favor by alluding to our shared past, even if it was she who broke it off.

– Especially if it was she who broke it off.

– Nor, if I ever have her in my clutches, will I ever attempt to use this as an excuse to resume the relationship at all. If she makes advances, it’s probably merely an attempt to seduce me and escape; If I do, I will be seen as lecherous and dastardly, and there’s nothing like attempted rape to destroy my positive image.

– I will not renege on my promises if there is any choice at all possible in the matter. If I absolutely must kill someone whom I have made a deal with, I will not announce the decision to their face. The order will instead be whispered into the ear of a lieutenant skilled with a garotte or a stiletto.

– I will not expose a mole in front of his or her companions. If he has betrayed them once, he’ll betray them again, and I can use all the help I can get. I will, however, remain aware of the overwhelming possibility of said turncoat experiencing an overdose of guilt that may backlash and result atonement-seeking on the part of the traitor. (this always happens)

– If in the past I or my people possessed an unstoppable weapon that has since been lost or hidden because of we feared its powers, I will keep in mind several things: 1) tactics and weaponry change, and what once was useful may not be so any longer. 2) I have henchmen. Macguffin hunts are suitable activities for henchmen.

– Assuming there is some means by whose use I alone can raise and use the weapon, I will quietly secure this means, and, if possible, the weapon also, before I announce my intent to use said weapon. Only once I have secured my methods will I let it be known that I seek the weapon itself, and let the heroes toddle off to try find it “before me.” This gives me time to buy other weapons.

– Important dead people will be subjected to thorough maschalismos, and burned. This includes me. Even if I am brought back around for the sequel, it will be in conjunction with two or three other (laughably incompetant) franchise villains, and I will be defeated embarrassingly fast along with them.

– If I share twin synchronicity with my physically frail sibling, I will make damn sure that 1) my twin is on my side, 2) my twin is heavily guarded against assassination-by-proxy attempts (heroes are noble, but accidents tend to happen in their favor). If my twin is not on my side and has no intents of cooperating, I will use a strait jacket.

– My henchmen will have differing areas of expertise and chosen methods. Problems are not nails, and it is rare that they can be solved by punching them into a wall. Thus, to recover a rare and ancient manuscript from its collector, store owner, I will not send a nine-hundred pound cave troll with a club, but rather a ninety-pound elf with a bag of gold.