Notes & Observations

– If it weighs more than you do and is carnivorous, don’t pet.
– If it weighs more than you do and is omnivorous, pet cautiously.
– If it weighs more than you do and is herbivorous, also pet cautiously, because being stepped on can hurt.
– If it weighs less than you do and is omnivorous but also has claws, do not pet.
– If it weighs less than you do and is herbivorous, pet if it wants to be petted.
– All injuries incurred by exotic animals are equivalent.
– Cleaning the intern habitat is no excuse to avoid work.
– Work is no excuse to avoid cleaning the intern habitat.
– It’s the logistics part of disposing of a body that’s the hard part, but don’t mention that to the bereaved.
– The floggings will continue until morale increases.