Captain Marvel Movie – rewrite

So! I’m not a Marvel comics fan. I’m not really a comic book person in general, one or two exceptions aside. But the culture war drama over the Captain Marvel movie [it genuinely wasn’t very good] plus the fact I rediscovered all this yesterday, means that now you get to appreciate it, too.

This is how I suggest in-depth how the Captain Marvel movie could have Been Done Better.

– Callsign “Marvel”

Captain Meep Meep is the flight officer of an experimental spaceship on a historic mission to orbit Venus. Their ship (the Mythological Name) is attacked en route and while out of contact with Earth, by an unknown and hostile alien species—the Blah. Although unarmed and taken by surprise, the humans put up a valiant fight, badly damaging their attackers’ ship and creating enough disturbance that the military patrol of the sector comes to investigate and finish off the Blah ship. Meep Meep is the last human survivor, and is taken on board the Not-Blah patrolship. She is nearly dead, and requires extensive treatment and modification, including transplanted organs grown with Not-Blah DNA, to survive. [I stole this plot point from a much better book and author (Code of Conduct, Kristine Smith), but who cares? Not Hollywood.]

The process takes a long time; but the patrolship has got plenty of that. Its Captain Alien Abs and his crew are a mix of veterans and screwed-up misfits, packed together alike into a backwater sector, due to a nameless disgrace. [You know, like Aral Vorkosigan in Shards of Honor] They have, strictly speaking, broken no law by rescuing Blackburn—but as Earth is a quarantined world, she can never return home again—including to bring warning back of the marauding Blah.

Accordingly, and with no other options, Meep Meep joins the Not-Blah military, serving for many years and gaining a rank equal to the one Alien Abs (once a Sector Commander) now holds. This allows them to form a relationship which Abs has been principled enough to refrain from before. Meep Meep forms friendships and loyalties among the Not-Blah, develops her powers, and stays out of politics.

Alien Abs, it transpires, was too much of a warmonger; he wanted the Blah-NotBlah war to end in a surrender, and not a truce. He distrusted the Blah’s promise to disarm, and caused a good deal of trouble for the diplomats when his covert spy missions on the Blah homeworld were exposed during the peace talks. (The Blah were not disarming—but the peace talks continued anyway. Because PEACENIK SURRENDERMONKEYS.) More importantly, the Blah were not making the promised population control measures that would be required for them to remain in their single system. It is only a matter of time until they are forced to burst out again, for new resources and more space. (Because Malthus!)
And Earth is the only planet which would be a suitable target for the Blah: unallied, uncontacted, primitive.

Meep Meep, officially an officer of the Not-Blah military and a citizen of the Confederacy, is barred from returning to her homeworld. And yet, the Earth must be warned if it is to have even a fighting chance. (And humans know well how to fight). And yet, the law is clear. (Meep Meep has never seen actual combat until she actually joined the Not-Blah; and even that is merely police work.)

For one thing, the Blah are already on the move. Although the patrolship has been reinforced to a small squadron, they have nowhere near enough firepower to stop the invasion. Fighting tooth and claw, Alien Abs and his badass-ly named warship (gotta have a badass name for a warship) sacrifice themselves to let Meep Meep and a small attack craft through to Earth.

The deaths of the man and the people whom she has grown to love and respect, to consider her own, to save a world they have no loyalty for; on behalf of a government which has scorned and abused them….don’t make Meep Meep very happy with the situation. So she makes it to Earth, riddled with anger, self-doubt, and grief.

It has been so long since she left Earth that it strange to her; she actively resists re-forming friendships, even feeling emotions of any kind. The resultant flat affect and cold manner—together with her freakish, mutated appearance and frightening powers—isolate her still further from other humans.

With the competence of various heroes, agencies, secret organizations, militaries, and etc, Earth gets ready to fight and the war begins.

Meep Meep is the most effective combatant out of all of the powered and nonpowered champions and heroes which rise up and work together to save the Earth….

…and when it is over, they have worked together and she is standing alone. The comrades who have fought alongside her try to convince her to stay and rebuild her life on Earth, but she shakes her head and turns away–back to stars.

So: not all of this needs to be actually spelled-out on screen (we are talking about a summer Hollywood blockbuster here, right? Surely…!) The focus can go to either the space opera part–The Adventures of Captain Meep–or to the saving Earth part: Callsign Meep. Flashbacks and dialogue can be used. Show, don’t tell! Do awesome things! Have big fights! Ship to ship action. Blow up moons and mine asteroid fields! Utilize powered armor and mecha in intelligent and tactically-correct ways! Have a physically powerful, mentally strong but complex and layered female character, who loves, grieves, fights–and protects. Give her motivations for taking the actions she does. Give her plot-relevance. Give her an actual personality with likes and dislikes, habits and quirks.

And give her a love interest with some really fine abs, come on.

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