I swear, not a recipe blog

Still, I thought I’d record my genius make everyone else suffer share. I’m living with nothing but an electric kettle, hot plate, and a microwave for cooking right now, and this plus some dietary restrictions (low-moisture breakfasts!) is slightly cramping my style. But I’ve been able to make some discoveries regardless.

Microwave Savory Sweet Potatoes –
– 1 sweet potato
– ~1/4 cup cottage cheese
– Curry powder — about 1/2-1 tsp
– Garlic powder — look, I dunno, I just eyeball it. If it looks like enough, then that’s fine.
– Ginger powder – just a pinch
– Salt – I put a lot because it’s what draws out the other flavors.

Wash and dice the sweet potato in small chunks. Place in a microwave-safe dish.
Add salt, stir to coat, and microwave until softened. Microwave in increments of 2-3 minutes, stirring at least once to redistribute/cook evenly.
Add cottage cheese and spices.
It tastes pretty darned good.

Microwave Protein Sweet Potatoes
– 1 sweet potato
– ~1/4 cup plain or vanilla yogurt
– Protein powder of choice
– Salt
– Cinnamon
– Sweetener of choice if using plain yogurt/if needed.
– (You can also throw in some nuts for crunchiness)
– ((You can also throw in a spoonful of peanut butter if you like.))

Prep the potatoes, add the other stuff. It’s actually quite tasty.

Microwave scrambled eggs
– Scramble the eggs thoroughly, and they won’t explode. Experiments indicate that eggs might also be possible to cook in the shell, but I only have the one microwave and I don’t want to push my luck.
– Adding a splash of vinegar and soy sauce is really good.

Stoveless pasta hack:
– Turn on the hot plate a few minutes before so it gets up to temperature.
– Boil water in the electric kettle,
– Add pasta to pot,
– Pour boiling water into the pot and place on the hot plate.
– It’s WAY faster than even using a regular stovetop.

Green tea hack
– Add a ginger, tumeric, and a very small pinch of cumin to make green tea taste tolerable.

Ranch dressing hack (?)
– You can sprinkle a packet of that ranch dressing seasoning directly on your veggies if you’re really hungry and too tired to bother, no need to mix it with mayo and stuff first.

In conclusion: poor people food tastes really good when you’re hungry.

Today just keeps on giving

The (deep breath) Artemis Fowl movie is released on Disney+ streaming tomorrow. Critical reviews, however, are in, and….


Rotten Tomatoes: as of now, it’s at 14, oh my, ahahahahaHAHAHAHAHAH excuse me, 13%.

The AV Club website has a review and plot breakdown that’s frankly too painful for me to recap here. Slashfilm rates it as 1/10 from a book reader’s perspective.

Look, guys. If you wanted to make a movie called STUPID KID AND THE FAIRIES, you should have effing called it Stupid Kid and the Fairies. NOT ARTEMIS FOWL. I’m probably not going to fly the black flag and obtain this movie off the high seas even just to make fun of how bad it is. Because this is just depressing.

It’s going, well, I don’t know if bomb is the correct word, but, y’know. Whatever.





Scorecard #2

– 260 traps
– 2 counties
– Still no turtles
– One puppy
– One “I’ve shot people for less,”
– One lady at a gas station who recognized me
– One hundred and twenty-five milligrams of caffeine*