Repost: some *more* Evil Overlord notes

If I am telepathic, I will utilize this ability, and not the crude vocal, to give orders, coordinate atttacks, and otherwise prevent the heroes from learning plot-sensitive information.

I will never forget who is standing behind me, what state of mind they are in, and whether they are armed or not. This is important.

I will keep in mind the proverb, “Even a rabbit can bite.”

If a woman possess the Macguffin and is actively running from me, I will not attempt to gain her favor by alluding to our shared past, even if it was she who broke it off.

Especially if it was she who broke it off.

Nor, if I ever have her in my clutches, will I ever attempt to use this as an excuse to resume the relationship at all. If she makes advances, it’s probably merely an attempt to seduce me and escape; If I do, I will be seen as lecherous and dastardly, and there’s nothing like attempted rape to destroy my positive image.

I will not renenge on my promises if there is any choice at all possible in the matter. It’s just good business.

If I absolutely must kill someone I’ve promised not to, I will not announce the decision to their face. The order will instead be telepathically whispered into the ear of a lieutennant skilled with a garotte or a stiletto.

I will not expose a mole in front of his or her companions for dramatic effect. If he’s betrayed them once, he’ll do it again.

If in the past I or my people possessed, and my enemies know I posessed, an unstoppable weapon that has since been lost or hidden because of we feared its powers, I will keep in mind several things. 1) tactics and weaponry change, and what once was useful may not be so any longer. 2) I have henchmen. Macguffin hunts are suitable activities for henchmen.

If I share twin synchronicity with my physically frail sibling, I will make damn sure that 1) my twin is on my side, 2) my twin is heavily guarded against assassination-by-proxy attempts (heroes are noble, but accidents tend to happen in their favor). If my twin is not on my side and has no intents of cooperating, I will use a strait jacket.

I will have, by one way or another, an agreement with the psychopompic deities, (Azrael, Charon, Anubis, the Grim Reaper, Yama, etc.) not that I will come back from the dead in a supposedly-unstoppable but actually mindless and extremely killable new monster-form, but that the hero will stay dead when I’ve killed him.

My henchmen will have differing areas of expertise and chosen methods. Problems are not nails, and it is rare that they can be solved by punching them into a wall. Thus, to recover a rare and ancient manuscript from a collector, storeowner, or auctioneer, I will not send a nine-hundred pound cave troll with a club, but rather a ninety-pound elf with a bag of gold.

I will treat my henchmen with friendship and dignity.

I will also behave with a reasonable amount of respect towards my dead enemies. They’ll be dead, and I’ll have killed them, but I can still be polite.

Important dead people will be subjected to thorough maschalismos, and burned. This includes me. Even if I am brought back around for the sequel, it will be in conjunction with two or three other (laudably incompetant) franchise villains, and I will be defeated embarrassingly fast along with them.

3 thoughts on “Repost: some *more* Evil Overlord notes

    1. My favorite riff on this idea is Dark Lord of Derkholm….
      There’s a scene where the protagonist, the titular Dark Lord, has to get “killed” by successive batches of tourist heroes. The simplest way for him to do this is to get thrown down a bottomless pit, which he takes pains to a) tell them, b) point out that he’s standing right in front of….
      …and it still takes *forever* for them to push him in. I’m giggling just remembering it.
      Diana Wynne Jones was a treasure.

      Liked by 1 person

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