Overheard on the job

“My pig’s gay. Don’t judge him. He’s happy that way. Don’t judge him.”

“So if you have any questions, anything you want to know that I can help you with, please just give me a call.”
“Oh, girl. I’ma take you up on that. I’ma give you the weekend but come Monday you gonna be hearing that phone go off. You gonna be like, ‘bitch thinks she’s my mother, she keeps texting me.'”

“What’s your favorite food?”

“I ain’t gonna lie to you. I’ve had a stroke, I have short-term memory issues. I can’t keep a lie straight!”

“She can’t lie to us. She has short-term memory issues, she can’t keep a lie straight.”
“Yeah, I heard that.”

“I hope [court case] goes to deposition.”
“That’ll be interesting.”
“I just like goin’ to war with people.”