Movies with my Mother – Hail Caesar (2016)

hail-caesar-mondo-poster[A/n: This is a repost from 2017 session. As of this week in 2021, we got half-way through Goliyon Ki Rasleela Ram-Leela and both tapped out.]

“He’s a bounty hunter?”
“Nnnno.”

“Ok, ok, who is he?”
“He’s the fixer guy. So, his job is to go run down the stars when they go on a bender, or get married in Mexico, or get into an illicit postcard situation or something.”

“Who is she?”

“What’s going on here?”

“Why are they hitting them? They’re moving, aren’t they?”
“It’s what you do to slaves.”
“And where did Eddie come into this?”

“Why would he stand up….this is the promising guy?….OH PLEASE…he’s being shot at? Oh no!”

“Apparently that guy is going to be playing Harrison Ford in the young Han Solo movie.”
“Is he? Han Solo….Han Solo…Han Solo….who is he?”

“What?…oh, he’s Jewish.”

“Is this a modern thing? When was it made?”
“Last year.”
“Huh.”

“Why did they kidnap him? Tell me the reason.”
“They’re secretly marxists and they want to indoctrinate him in marxist doctrine.”
“How?”
“Because he’s dumb as a plank.”
“Why?”
“So he can spread marxist propaganda like they used to accuse people of doing.”

“What is this in aid of?'”
“They used to have musical numbers, remember?”
“Yes, I remember Esther Williams–this is like her.”
“This is like a parody of her.”
“Why are they making it a parody?”
“Well, it’s more like a homage.”

“Is that Joanna Scarlett?”

“What’s this?”
“They’re trying to switch him over from being a cowboy actor to being a serious drama actor.”
“I see that.”

“If this is modern, what’s the deal with the hair?”
“What’s the deal with the hair?”

“….Huh. What….why are they wanting him when he can’t do it?”

“He’s not giving good directions, what is this! Foolishness!…do I have to look at this?”

“Why is he talking like that?”
“Because he’s Texan. Also because he has dentures.”

“It’s a stupid line, anyway.”
“He is a stupid man!”

“Who are they all?”
“They’re a secret cabal of communist writers.”
“Oh, they put the little propaganda in their scripts?”
“Yes.”
“Oh. Just like liberals today.”
“Yeah.”
“Do not write that down! Your audience will be mad at you!”

“Why do they want money?”
“Because…I dunno. Dirty communists…”

“No what?”
“No gams.”

“I know his face.”
“He doesn’t have a face, he’s just a slab of meat.”
“Him!”
“Channing Tatum.”

“Oh, that’s cute.”

“What was that?”
“The pregnant Esther Williams girl, he’s the father, but he’s already married.”

“Oh, so they just want some money? Some profit?”

“No faces?”
“This is just the opening credits.”

“Oh my what happened to her!?”

“Oh that’s good! The fools should have changed it from the beginning! What a line….This is boring!”
“You just said you liked it!”
“It’s boring….who is Caesar?”

“Lips and the hips and the what?”

“Why haven’t they released that man?”
“Because they still haven’t got the money. It’s still on its way to them!”

“The two columnists are like the two sisters who–what! Is he one of them!?”

“Well, it shows all actors to be kinda stupid.”
“Well, it’s ’cause they are.”
“Argh.”

“What movie is this?”
“Huh….Well, I guess he’s Washington crossing the Delaware.”

“What is this now?”
“The submarine’s going to pick him up.”
“The what….that’s good. That’s nice. Submarine, yeah.”

“Oh no!”

“Who does he represent? I mean, who is he, who went to the others?”

“Who was her source?”
“Him who went on the submarine.”

“Twenty-seven hours?”

“See, that was a good movie!”
“No, it wasn’t.”

[also: MwmM for Maverick 1994? She refused to watch it until I put the notebook away.]

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