Readlist: Who knows….

solomon-kane-2009-movie-posterSo because I recently rediscovered the joys of kitschy space-western anime, I haven’t been watching any. Instead, courtesy of youtuber Raz0rFist’s The Shadowcast podcast, I’ve been reading:

– Walter B. Gibson / Maxwell Grant – The Shadow 007 – The Silent Seven

– The Shadow 008 – The Black Master

– The Shadow 009 – Mobsmen on the Spot

– Jane Austen – Lady Susan

I also attempted watching the 2009 Solomon Kane movie, but my thoughts on the first (sigh) ten minutes are, summed verbatim:

This movie stupid, yo.

TLDR: Just because a couple of youtube yahoos liked it, doesn’t mean it’s actually good.

– Hey, remember when they would actually film things on outdoor sets with extras dressed in costumes, instead of everything being just computer generated? Good times, good times….
– Interestingly nasty moment where Solomon (that is James Purefoy under there, yes?) toys with a guy before stabbing him in the throat, but hey it looked cool.
– Oh, I wonder if those ominous open-mouthed portal things that all the expendable extras just walked directly up to have any kind of ominous significance.
– Oh, wow, you’re not even trying to make it subtle, movie.
– Solomon Kane would NEVER say “I am the only devil here.” That’s something the villain would say. At the OUTERMOST OUTSIDE chance, you could have a young wastrel of a pre-avenging Puritan SK in the ragged band, but no. Failure to fundamentally understand your character.
– Ding! Hero turns the tables, easily, after the twelfth–not the eleventh–hour. After the ladder has already passed equilibrium, after the bombs have exploded, after the villain has actually, by fair and obvious evidence, WON. The heroes can only succeed by having the narrative cheat in their favor. Heroes do not win by their own effort, their own skill, or strength. Heroes suck, heroism doesn’t exist, fuck you for trying. Fuck you right back, Hollywood. This is why I don’t buy movies, and this is why I watch 1970s anime instead of your 2021 big budget flops.
– Subtlety? What’s subtlety?
– Okay, what the hell. Why is Solomon Kane, PURITAN AVENGER, doing in a CATHOLIC MONASTERY. Movie, I wanted to like you.
– WHAT’S SUBTLETY, PRECIOUS? WHAT’S SUBTLETY, EHHH?

12 thoughts on “Readlist: Who knows….

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