QuikReiew: Black Adam (2022)

So I decided to watch Black Adam despite some reservations (i.e.: I didn’t want to pay money for it, because I knew it wouldn’t be worth it.) I was not wrong. This movie is really not worth paying money for, because obviously the studio execs didn’t think it was, either. At least, they didn’t think paying for a script was, and boy howdy does it show.

There’s isn’t really a plot, for one. There’s a series of vaguely-connected scenes with people telling Teth-Adam that He Must Be A Hero! and Save Khandaq! From INTERGANG! (Who are mercenaries with actually wicked sweet hoverbikes, MAN those things are cool, where can I get one and why haven’t they shown up in any movie before or after?) or, From….uh….them! or from…uh…resurrected demon king guy!

These scenes all play out the same way, too: someone (usually Annoying Kid) tells Teth-Adam that Khandaq needs a hero! Adam responds that he is no hero, leave him alone, and floats off in a random direction; at which point someone else will threaten the Annoying Skateboard Kid or his Woke Mother, and then there will be another smashy-lightning-buildings collapse scene. And this pattern gets very tiresome, very quickly.

Does the movie succeed in introducing and defining its main character? Surprisingly, for the most part, yes. However….it’s about twenty minutes of backstory stretched over an entire two hour movie, without any plot for said character to act on, which would make its inclusion meaningful. This movie could have been condensed down to a ninety minutes and greatly improved. Hell, it could have been condensed down to forty-five minutes and made a TV pilot episode. The fights get that boring after about the fifteenth one.

Does the movie succeed in introducing and defining its secondary characters? To an extent–and no further. Pierce Brosnan shines as Doctor Fate, whom I am guessing is the DC variant of Doctor Strange. He elevates every scene and all the material he’s given, purely by effort of being a good actor who can handle mediocre-at-best dialogue, and also by getting some good reaction shots in. Whats-his-face, as Hawkman….didn’t fare nearly as well, but: he tried. (Incidentally, if you have wind-based powers, and any kind of textured hair, you would ABSOLUTELY keep said hair in a tight protective style. Anyway.)

And one of the things that definitely drags the movie down hard is the presence of Annoying Skateboard Kid and his Woke Mother. Those two are insufferable, and besides being completely unlikable, they’re flat, insipid, and omnipresent. Like, seriously, I have no words to describe how extraneous these people are, and yet the movie insists that they remain vital to the (non-existant) plot. (“Teth-Adam, you have got to be a hero!” “No.” Boom, thud, swoosh, etc.)

Are there any good things about this movie? Eh. It’s not horrible. It’s just not good, at all. If I want to watch an series of strung-together action scenes, I’ll watch Final Fantasy: Advent Children.

Rated: that’s eight dollars I will not see again in a hurry, more’s the pity.


18 thoughts on “QuikReiew: Black Adam (2022)

  1. Does this tie into the Shazam movie at all? I know Black Adam is supposed to be some sort of Shazam’y character but I’ve heard of him before this movie came out.
    Sorry you wasted 8bucks. That is like 6 rockstar energy drinks (when on sale, which they are this week) poured down the drain. My condolences…

    Liked by 1 person

      1. If you have a private tracker, it’s worth the hit on your ratio to watch it. But I don’t know if it’s worth it on a public one. Big studio’s are getting worse and worse recently. VPN might work as well, but for me that is just a hassle to setup so I’ve never done it.

        Liked by 1 person

      2. No torrents at all? I’m sorry. I use iptorrents, but as a private tracker, it does have it’s limits and its ratio oriented. So for me, it’s good for books and about 3 movies a year.

        Liked by 1 person

    1. Black Adam says Shazam to activate/deactivate his powers. I’m advised that he and Shazam are mortal enemies, but the movie seems to prefer to set up a VS Superman scenario for the sequel.
      (Sidenote: how come no super has simply pulled Amanda Waller’s head off her shoulders and thrown it away yet?)

      Liked by 2 people

      1. Thanks.
        Superman and Shazam are both good guys but sometimes go head to head when they both think they’re right. So Black Adam would fit perfectly with Hollywood’s take on a morally ambiguous character.

        I’ve never heard of Waller so can’t comment. It feels like this movie is trying to bring more B characters to light. And since I only know about the bigger characters, everything is lost on me.

        Liked by 1 person

      2. “how come no super has simply pulled Amanda Waller’s head off her shoulders and thrown it away yet?”

        Because she’s politically connected and they don’t want to go to war with the US Government. Unfortunately. And in her competent incarnations (e.g. not Viola Davis) she’s sometimes a useful, if untrustworthy ally.

        Liked by 1 person

      3. I say it’s because they know Amanda Waller is also the Woman King… or in universe maybe she just has such super epic powers she never uses them unless everyone needs to have their heads totally cracked, like Gaia in Captain Planet.

        Liked by 1 person

  2. I liked skateboard kid, but agree that all the Black Adam floating was stupid and annoying. And OMG, all those superheroes are just so DC-Marvel… Coke-Pepsi…. same drinks different brands. Slightly different flavour, sure, but nothing that distinctive.

    Liked by 1 person

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