Who Would Win? A Unified Theory

Ashok Vadal vs Harry Dresden.
Yikes, I have no idea what would happen here, except that Harry is going to run his mouth and Ashok is going to be suspicious and grumpy. Thing is, I can’t see these guys continuing to fight after they’ve both figured out they’re on the side of the Good Guys. In my opinion, most of these Who Would Win matches end with both parties having a drink and swapping yarns somewhere.

Thera and Murphy…mind you, I’m pretty sure they’d actually get along excellently, but if it’s a matter of either of them seeing their boys in trouble, they’d definitely wade right in. Normally I’d say that Murphy has the definite physical combat advantage (multiple black belts and all, y’know), but if it’s post-Skin Game Murphy with a bad leg, and if Thera can’t throw a knife worth a damn because her hands are messed up, the odds would even out a little bit more.

So, hey, maybe the boys aren’t going to fight at all, maybe they’re just busy dragging their ladies apart…

Harry Dresden vs John Carter, Lord Greystoke.
Are you kidding me? There isn’t going to be a fight. Harry is going to be fanboying so hard he gets caught off guard when the Pelluciderean Neanderthal ninjas get teleported in by the vengeful Therns of Barsoom (who allied with the insane Russian) and a bundle of hired thugs from the south side (probably ghouls in disguise) who tried to jump him earlier and are now aiming to kidnap the womenfolk.

Murphy gets kidnapped on account of being a blonde female in the company of the heroes and thus obviously a damsel.

Murphy has strong opinions about this.

John Carter, Lord Greystoke vs Conan of Cimmeria
Like I said, no matter how this begins, this is only ever going to end with them having a drink somewhere with their respective ladies (whom they have just finished rescuing.) Conan is probably going to pay, because he also pinched the jewels from under the evil altar on the way out.

Ashok Vadal vs Benedict of Amber
Oh, wow. If it did come to a fight, Benedict is going to win hands-down, and the most Ashok is going to do is make him raise a sweat. But realistically, Ashok lucked out in this one, because it’s quite obvious Benedict isn’t there for a fight. Benedict has come back, after an unavoidably long hiatus–

–perhaps he was imprisoned in Chaos; perhaps he was guarding another relation and dared not leave; perhaps an enemy or a jealous lover interfered with the flow of time and kept him for ages past his intent–

–to see how his children fare.

Ramrowan is obviously Benedict.–the greatest strategist, or tactician, or combatant who ever lived, but who has learned the value of peace through his who also realizes the horror of war and the worth of a human life. He’d have some answers for Ashok, and then they’d go off and fight the demons of Chaos together.

Solomon Kane vs Corwin of Amber
Solomon Kane, the solemn, fanatical Puritan avenger, has been on the trail of an evil man like a starving wolf follows the scent of blood. From one end of the world to the other he has been at this cur’s heels, and yet somehow stumbles into an ambush anyway. (This always happens).

Corwin of Amber pauses in his hellride when he sees a half-familiar form in a desperate fight, one man against many, cut and tattered and blooded with many wounds: staunch, undefeated. He turns aside in his journey through Shadow, even though he knows in his heart this can be but the shadow of a man he once knew ages before: in the days before the court of the Sun King fell, in the time when the days were new and the nights bright and deadly.

Kane recounts his tale of woe and vengeance and his mission of Godly vengeance. Corwin rides with him to see it done and fights with him, side by side, one last time.

Kane invites the stranger to stay and ride with him a while, but Corwin demurs. He has a brother to murder and a multiverse to conquer, and, with a courteous salute and a reckless laugh, spurs his horse. And yet the words his once-companion calls after him ring on the wind, strangely to his ears: “What profitteth it a man if he gain the whole world and lose his soul?”

Or spoken: figure out

“Big River!”
“Oooo how big?”
“Not that big.”

“So I have a thing on my blog,  Movies With My Mother, where it’s us watching a movie and me explaining it as we go along–”
“I am going to find your blog and I am going to read that, because it sounds like the funniest thing ever.”
“Ah, uh.” [Riders changes the subject]

“So T–”
“Oh, you know T?”
“Yeah, he used to come around [redacted] all the time with his dogs. I loved his dogs.”
“Yeah, they’re awesome! He’s okay. He’s not as smart as he thinks he is–”
“No he is not.”

“…so yeah, M is not in good health, and her son–”
“–B–”
“Yeah, he’s also–”
“–a goober.”
“…yeah….”

“It’s not rocket surgery.”

“If you ladies can just give me a minute, I need to figure out what to do with these guns.”

send help

407813The only positive about this is that I stayed under budget: 12$ total.

  • The Silver Chair – C. S. Lewis
  • The Prince – Machiavelli
  • Star Rangers – Andre Norton
  • Dorsai! – Gordon R. Dickson
  • The Blue Sword – Robin McKinley (THE ONE WITH THE AWESOME COVER…..I may consider donating this to the homeschool group but seriously, a) those guys probably wouldn’t read it anyway, b) their mothers probably wouldn’t let them read it, either. Also, c) THATS AN AWESOME COVER I DON’T WANT TO LET IT OUT OF MY HANDS.)
  • The Defiant Agents – Andre Norton
  • The Metal Monster – A. Merritt
  • This Fortress World – James Gunn
  • The Best of Leigh Brackett – as edited by Edmond Hamilton
  • The Black Arrow – Robert Louis Stevenson, because.
  • The Thorn Birds – Colleen McCullough (for The Mother of Skaith, who loves the movie, although honestly I may have already bought her a copy….)
  • A compilation of Weird Tales edited by Marvin Kaye

I also bought, in the interests of providing more books for the homeschool group to ignore:

  • Star Ka’at – Andre Norton (a duo with the previously acquired Star Ka’at World)
  • Just-So Stories – Rudyard Kipling

OvErHeArD: ReGeRtS

[re: free yardsticks] “Looks like a good whackin’ stick.”
[waggles stick] “They don’t make ’em like they used to!”

“It was a good wedding! There was sippin’ whiskey. I did not sip it.”

“S, what is that?”
“It’s my fake tattoo! It says ‘sip sip hooray,’ but it’s upside down.”
“….”
“NO REGERTS!”

“Did the USDA just get run out of town?”

“Okay guys, bye. I’m gonna go home and adult now.”
“Hey, ‘woohoo!, right?”
“Hah, no, ‘oh no!'”

[someone tried to hand Riders a baby.] “Oh my God look at that face!”

“I’m just gonna sit in this room eating cookies for the rest of the day. That’s what I’m gonna do.”

state of the author

For anyone noticing the lack of The Shadow content recently, I have a couple of reviews to write–Masters of Death and The Silent Seven–and until I finish writing those I haven’t been reading any more. I’d also like to review Seven Swords and even possibly Terror on the Prairie as well.

That being said, I had to take about ten hours of sick leave this weekend and spent eight of them asleep.

Some work-related excitement will be coming up, probably in a month or so. I’ve already been informed that I will be operating the clipboard.

bloody hell

So I just bought:

  • Timestorm – Gordon R. Dickson (one of the very formative books of my reading career)
  • The Demon Breed – James H. Schmitz
  • Majyk by Design – Ester Friesner
  • Thieves Carnival / The Jewel of Bas – Karen Hober/Leigh Brackett
  • JRRTolkien’s:
  • Lord of the Rings: The Fellowship of the Ring,
  • Lord of the Rings: The Two Towers
  • The Silmarillion

Oh, and they also gave me

  • some animated movie called “Mosely” which I devoutly hope is suitable for four-year-olds to watch, otherwise I’m going to be in trouble.

….or spoken: write this down

“On the bright side, you may get to see two shitshows in one day.”

“Just so you know, N and I are going out to see M on Wednesday….so if you see a mushroom cloud coming from Dodge County way…”

“Wow, he’s an ass.”
“Yeah…..that whole family…E used to date him y’know.”
“E needs better taste in men!”

“Hey, if you’re coming down from the office can you bring me some notebooks and a couple reams of printer paper? And also some pens?”
“Hang on, I’m writing this down. ‘Notebooks….one thousand pages printer paper…'”
“And a big ‘ol handful of pens.”
“…’big handful of pens.'”

“Well hey, the rest of the day may go swimmingly!”
“….one certainly hopes so, Riders.”

Overheard: HIGH STRUNG

“O.K. I will say good-bye now, before I go in and my children are all over me like little shaggy dogs.”

“What is wrong with the Jamaicans? I mean, seriously what is up with them?!”
“I don’t know what is wrong with the Jamaicans….are they trying to marry you off, bro?”

“That is a nice truck, though.”
“That is a very nice truck.”