or spoken: wOoF

“I can’t just have five tons of gravel sitting in my driveway, it’s not being used, it’s an eyesore!….it’s been there for twenty years but–”

“So you don’t use these ones?”
“No, I don’t even go in them. They’re….oh my.”
“I don’t go in them but the spiders do.”
“…we’ll just let them have it.”
“It’s the spiders’ room now.”

“Oh, you made it!”
“Well, I knocked on the door–”
“–Oh Lord–”
“Yeah, I thought that didn’t sound like a poodle.”

resuming communications

So, I was out of town since Friday on a road trip to Nashville. It was great, except that I-24 was a nasty surprise….going and coming. And then my GPS decided that I really, really needed to take the scenic route on the way back.

Other than that, highlights of the trip were the purchase, taste-testing, and subsequent disposal efforts of Aldi-brand coffee-flavored sparkling water (which was terrible), and the discovery of Jeni’s Splendid Icecream’s Everything Bagel flavor (which was awesome.)

Normal posting will resume eventually.

state of the author

Monday: use THIS one trick to beat the heat!

Tuesday: no, no one’s home. So sad. bye.

Wednesday: “so there I was making a u turn I was minding my own business, my hand to God and–”

Thursday: “Yeah, good, I don’t need any more work.”

Friday: “What’s the worst that could happen?” “….your car could get abducted by aliens?”

or spoken: snideness

“So, 9:30. Or, I’ll send you a text, because if it’s gonna be hotter than Hades, we might have to get started earlier than that.”

“Aww, one little piggy is being mean to the other little piggy. He’s got the other one up against the wall and is rootin’ on him…”

“Can you check this over for me? I’ve successfully avoided being snide once today already, so…that’s a good thing and I’d like it to continue.”

“You do so enliven my day.”

via messenger

“Riders when you come can you tell me if my cat is fat? Everyone says she’s fat, I don’t think she’s fat.”
“She is kinda fat.”
[ten minutes later]
“Riders I just weighed my cat by the way I love your profile picture, so cuuute, it says she weighs six pounds. Is that fat? I don’t know. How do I turn this off?”
“You can just turn it o–“

Overheard: FoRgOtTeN

“If I don’t get it done, I’ll just continue being the exact same person I am now.”

“It’s hell getting old.”

“Do you remember some of that stuff we talked about last year?”
“I don’t remember what I had for breakfast yesterday, so, probably not.”

“Me and M’s computers both crashed, I mean like within thirty minutes of each other, I blame the Russians but whatever.”

“Hey I can’t complain, I got a new car, smells like Play-doh, but cool.”

“We’re both in banjo-pickin’ land today.”

Grueling Readlist



– The Hero and the Crown – Robin McKinley

– The Star King, The Killing Machine, The Palace of Love – Jack Vance (Demon Princes #1, 2, 3.)

– The Old Gods Waken – Manly Wade Wellman (mostly finished: I got stuck near the end because the Raven Mockers were just. that. creepy.)

– Dead Men Live – Maxwell Grant

Sidenote: my cats got their first formal checkup in around, uh, ten years. They all have a clean bill of health and we discovered that the Big Boy weighs close to fourteen pounds (Good Boy was eleven and Pretty Girl was eight.) Big Boy also escaped from his carrier during the 20-minute drive to the vet’s office, which apart from the fact that he was clawing my brand-new car’s upholstery would have been okay, since he’s also the most level-headed…but then he decided to crawl underneath the driver’s seat and slither out between my feet. That was fun.

(repost) Movies with my Mother: Rogue One

rogue_one_2016_intl_original_film_art_f_1200x(Reposted from a time at which the prospect of further degradation to Star Wars still stung.)

“Where is the girl?”
“I dunno.”
“There was a girl. There was! She got out of bed and then what?”
“I dunno.”

“Is this the same guy?”
“I dunno.”
“Why do you think I brought you in here?!”

“What? To the people who were rescuing her?”

“This thing makes my teeth go on edge.”
“It’s stupid.”

“Is that her mother?”

“Whhhat!? The father?”
“That’s what they want him to do?”

“Where they going?”
“Which is?”
“Some planet.”
“It must be where they have the Death Star, or, uh, the Alliance people. Somewhere with all these stupid names.”

“I don’t understand what’s going on.”
“You said you looked at it.”
“I skipped.”
“What is going on here?”
“I think he’s a fanatic.”
“Was that a defector?”
“He’s going to kill the guy.”
“Bcause he’s a fanatic.”

“He’s still alive?”
“NO, he’s long dead, he’s CGI.”
“They’ve got his voice wrong.”
“Whhhat, he’s fake? He’s really fake?”
“They got his voice so wrong.”
“I’m amazed he’s even there.”

“Is this CGI too?”
“Everything is CGI.”
“No, it’s not.”
“Even the people.”

“Why are they having that out?”
“The pilot.”
“The pilot who defected. I thought the Alliance had him.”
“No, they’re the Alliance splinter group fanatics.” *{Educated guess.}

“Who was he really going to if he wasn’t going to them?”
“I dunno.”
“Why don’t you watch the movie, instead of typing, so you can tell me?”

“Who is he?”
“He’s Donnie Yen.”
“Never heard of him.”
“You don’t watch enough kung fu movies.”
“He’s Chinese? He is not Chinese.”
“He is Chinese!”
“Look at him, he is not Chinese.”
“He is not Chinese.”
“Him, there, is not Chinese?”
“Not him, there, him, this guy, here.”

“See, kung fu guy.”

“You know what the Imperium would have done if they had known she was a hostage? They’d have gone and rescued her and messed up the alliance cell that was holding her. Or killed her.”

“Wait a minute, everybody’s listening.”
“So everybody hears it?”
“So it’s not a secret message.”

“He’s lying?”
“I dunno.”


“What’d he say?”
“She’s afraid he’s going to kill her father.”
“Oh, well we know that.”

“What’s this?”
“I dunno.”

“Where did all these folk come from?”
“I dunno. I dunno! The tape skipped!”

“What!? What happened?! How! How did she find him just like that? They gon’ get her!”

“Did he kill him by any chance?”
“No, the rebels killed him, I think. The airstrike killed him.”

“Ok, tell me what’s happened when I come back.”

“Jyn realized that Cassian was planning to kill her father, and she accused him, and he’s denying it….but he admitted that he was going to, and she got mad, and he says she’s a hypocrite for only just now caring about the rebellion now that her father’s dead; and he’s a soldier who has to follow orders.”

“Oh, oh, oh, it’s the bit with Darth Vader come quick. Oh, well, the first bit with Darth Vader.”
“He’s CGI, too?”
“No, he’s real.”
“Is he going to look ugly or something?”
“No, he looks like Darth Vader.”
“He has the thing on his head.”

“Duhnnnn duhhhhh duh na na nah….I didn’t say that.”

“Is he going to kill this man? Why would he need to kill him?”

[“I deserve”]
“Uh oh.”

“He killing him? Why’s he doing that?”
“Cause he’s….I dunno. He’s very annoying.”

“Tsch! That’s what Rogue One is? Tehee.”


“Who? Who are they talking about?”
“Oh. Waitaminute.”

“Ok, they say this half of the movie is a lot better than the other half.”

“Oh my gosh, they coming there?….That’s not them. Uh oh.”

“That was an Unnecessary Combat Roll.
“It was?”

“What are they doing?”
“Setting bombs.”
“Wherever they want.”

“Where were they going before?”

“Uh oh! Look!”
“What, what happened?”
“Oh. Them things.”


[carnival claws for the files, really?]

“What is it with this guy and his cloak?!”
“I do not know.”

“He’s dead? Why wasn’t The Force with him on the way back?”

“Heh. The Force is not with him. Heh. Sorry.”


“Who are these? Rebels? Uh oh. Oh my.”

Overheard: driving edition

“I was thinking about selling one of my kidneys–”
“No. You still need those. Keep them.”

“Why couldn’t you drive like this yesterday?”
“I didn’t have any caffeine yesterday.”
“Coffee makes you drive more slowly?”

“Excuse me. Excuse me.”
“I can’t help it, the road curly.”
“Well, you need to be driving curly slow, not curly fast.”

“I don’t think you can.”
“No, no, I could….”
“You could, but I don’t think you should.”