Compensate

(reposted from: Compensate, because I just saw it again and it made me snort.)

“Okay, so, last item. The volunteers.”
“The volunteers, yep.”
“–very motivated, and within their limits they are very effective. The thing right now to keep them going is morale. Money is always definitely a part of it, but right now, they are working for love and patriotism, and they  need to be told that they are appreciated and having a good effect.”
“A letter of thanks, a medal from Congress…?”
“Something like that.”
“I can use a form letter from the District.”
“Personalize it–just a bit; remember we also have to assure them–hmm…something to the effect that their remarkable personal efforts and, uh, and expenses have not gone unnoticed and will certainly be….”
“Mm?”
“Will be um…um. Oh wow. I, uh, forgot the word. Uh. What’s the word….you know. Men do it.”
“What?”
“Refund.”
“…”
“We will refund them for their troubles.”

Repost: Overheard in class

“Where is everybody?”
“People have been missing classes all day. All my other classes have been really empty.”
“That is unacceptable. People can skip boring classes, but not this one.”

“That would be cheating.”
“No, it’s called using your resources.”
“I’m a resourceful person…”

“My gosh!” (repeated interjection)

“Watch out for noses and tails.”
“Um….everybody appears to have a nose and a tail?”
“Well, sometimes they can get pinched between the cage and the lid.”
“Oh.”

“D’you know that old cowboy actor, Sam Elliott?”
“Oh yeah, I love him….he’s hot for an old dude.”

“Remember Punnett squares? Dominant and submissive genes…no, it isn’t submissive…”

“[…] In Carnivora, now, we have bears and wolves and cats–”
[sotto voce from the back row] “Oh my!”

“So lecture Monday, group test Wednesday, and then Friday we’re gonna do dissection. Yeah! They gave me a calf and we get it all to ourselves. But then we decided to take the ears off so the beef class could practice tattooing.”

“What’s your paper called? ‘My, What Big Teeth You Have?’ Nice! Mine is called, ‘Lungs.'”

Overheard: mmmmostly

“Two hundred and five questions, M? How many trees did you kill!?”

“How did the exam go?”
“Oh, you left before we got to the grammar section!”
“Oh….Darn it!! My favorite bit!!”

“Oh, she was like, doing everything she could to push my buttons, but I kept my cool. Mostly.”

“She was like, trying to imply that all of us down here are just hillbillies….”
[audience] “Well….”
[audience] “I mean…”
[audience] “She’s not wrong…”

“Smells like city hall.”

“[…] Cuba.”
“Kooba!”
“Kooba!” (this happened multiple times)

“I mean, we’re on a little country road. What could happen?”
“Uh, spoken like someone who has never watched any horror movie, ever.”
“No…I am the terror in the night.”
“Hah, that’s exactly what my brother would say. He is just super into the ‘I am the darkness‘ and being a villain and all that.”
“Heh.”
“He’s single.”
“…”

“Hey, she called us ‘young ladies.'”
“Yeah, I’ll take whatever I can get.”

Or spoken: figure out

“Big River!”
“Oooo how big?”
“Not that big.”

“So I have a thing on my blog,  Movies With My Mother, where it’s us watching a movie and me explaining it as we go along–”
“I am going to find your blog and I am going to read that, because it sounds like the funniest thing ever.”
“Ah, uh.” [Riders changes the subject]

“So T–”
“Oh, you know T?”
“Yeah, he used to come around [redacted] all the time with his dogs. I loved his dogs.”
“Yeah, they’re awesome! He’s okay. He’s not as smart as he thinks he is–”
“No he is not.”

“…so yeah, M is not in good health, and her son–”
“–B–”
“Yeah, he’s also–”
“–a goober.”
“…yeah….”

“It’s not rocket surgery.”

“If you ladies can just give me a minute, I need to figure out what to do with these guns.”

Overheard: at the Aquarium

“That’s a boat.”

“Those birds look real, cover your head!”

“How did Roy Rogers end up here? He was a cowboy, get out!”

5d6087a923c15.image_“Riders! Riders come here! What is that thing?”
“Oh! It’s the albino alligator!”
“Why is it orange and blue?”
“….it’s white….?”
“But why is it blue? Is that a color they come in?”
“It…it’s an albino, it’s white, it’s not….”
“Oh, it’s the lights. The lights are on it. Is it the lights making it blue? And yellow?”
“…yes.”
“Oh. ‘Cause I was wonderin’, why is there a blue crocodile in this place? I didn’t know they came in blue!”
“….”

“Ah, they even have it smell like them things in here!”
“I wouldn’t know, I breathe through my mouth in these places.”

“Oh, wow, it’s a Short-Faced Bear!”
“Oh…..”
“They’re extinct.”
“Oh. Praise the Lord.”

“There’s a movie, The Night at the Museum–“
“Well, the good news is that the mountain sheep won’t be d–well, they won’t be so aggr….well, the good news is that none of them can operate doors.”
“There you go.”

“All these and no females?”
“That’s a male right there. It’s anatomically correct, look…”
“It’s a sheep, though.”
“It’s a bighorn sheep.”
“Sheep is female. A male sheep is a ram.”
“….they’re bighorn sheep, it’s the species name.”
“And a male sheep is a ram!”
“….a bighorn ram?”
“Yes.”
“So…that’s a ram, right there.”
“….yes!”
“…”
“…”
“That’s a moose.”