The Mother of Skaith Reviews – Tombstone (1993)

“I am very sleepy! I watched that movie you gave me all the way through last night! It is very violent! But I watched it. I even started to watch that other thing. The Director’s Commentary. That man in it was very good! He was funny. No, he is not Sam Elliott! I know Sam Elliott! He was Virgil Earp. What was the last Earp man? There was Wyatt, and Virgil, and who was the other? Morgan Earp.

“Who played him? Don’t give me that, I know people! I just don’t know their names. Who was he!? Oh. No, I don’t know that person. Well, who was the other man? The funny man. The other bad man did the spinning thing with the gun, he did this and that and up and down, all fancy thing. And then the other fool man, he did the same thing with a cup! Doc. He was just mocking the man! I was laughing so much. How do you come up with that sort of thing? I tell you what, it was very good writing. How did they come up with that ? Like that man doing that, and Doc doing that to mock him. You have to really appreciate how good the writers are who come up with that sort of thing. I mean, real authors.

“How did Doc become a Doc? Was he a real doctor? Why did he go west if he was a doctor? How do you become a gunfighter if you go west? Oh, he had TB? What is TB again? Well, how did that make him decide he was going to become a gunfighter? You have TB and you gonna be a fighter?

“So when that Wyatt said, he sees the sash, which is what the Cowboys wear, he’s gonna shoot the man wearing it, and that Ike Clanton–was Ike Clanton the leader? Or was the man in the red shirt the leader?

“–so Ike Clanton, he out there running away and they’re running after chasing him, and he takes off his sash and throws it away. Did they still shoot him after that? The man is not wearing a sash any more! That’s what I said, it is very violent. There is a lot of running around and shooting and fighting. And those men were bad! The bad men in The Magnificent Seven, they just go there to rob the people, they don’t kill the people! Unless, you see the man come running out to kill you. He just wants to steal from the people. But these in this one, they go and they just be killing for no reason! Oh, were they stealing too? What were they stealing? What were they doing with cattle? I didn’t see any cattle in the movie.

“And was that opium? When the man in the red shirt comes out and he’s all shooting the moon. It was opium! The Director’s Commentary said so. You could just buy it back then, like over the counter medications today. But it is so addictive! And that girl, Wyatt’s wife. She was addicted to it! That’s very sad. What happened to her? No, in real life, I want to know, what happened to her?

“I know they died, Riders. It was a long time ago. Everybody in the movie is dead now in real life, yes, I know that. Thank you for telling me. I would not have known otherwise.

“Warlock? Who is in that movie?”

(Reposted from 2019)

Nick Fury: Agent of SHIELD, pt. 1 – With My Mother

[A/N: still pretty mentally exhausted. Pls enjoy repost, thx.]

Nick Fury: Agent of SHIELD (1998)–wait, yes, I can hear the mental brakes squealing, please finish the paragraph–may just be the best comic book movie ever. Yes, comic book movies existed way back in the dim days of the dawn of time–before the beginning of the Marvel Universe, before the X-Men came, when woolly mammoths roamed the Earth. Granted, most of them weren’t all that good, but when they were, you get a masterpiece like this one.

Masterpiece? Welllllll….yeah. It’s a word I will stand by. This movie has the all-to-rare blend of cheese, competence, gusto, earnestness, cool–and (attempted) depth that makes it genuinely watchable, enjoyable, and even rewatchable.

Most of all: it tried. It kept trying all the way through. And most of it? Hits the mark.

Hasselhoff is excellent as the cigar-chewing (…and smoking, I guess), gives-no-darns tough guy, leader, and Father to His Men. He goes whole hog on the role, gives it his all, growls, scowls, grins, menaces, and muscles his way through with enormous success. It also helps that he’s got the physical build to play a larger-than-life character. Hasselhoff is 6’4 and consistently paired off with shorter actors, his costumes emphasize his shoulders, and, yeah, he looks good. Just about everybody else is well-cast, too: from the scrawny but he’ll-grow-into-it Rookie to the utterly punchable supercilious bureaucrat, to the slavering villainess.

Conflicted divorce lawyer single mom? Or glamorous super-spy?

The only real weakness is the action sequences. They’re extremely small-scale, and pretty darned flat. A little more money and a few dozen more stuntmen would have done wonders. I’d also point out that Lisa Rinna, Contessa Valentina Allegra de la Fontaine, “an old hand at the sexpionage game” and second in command on the strike team, appears not to have been informed that she’s in a comic book movie. Oh well.

So, plot:

Opening in A Bunker, Somewhere,

“Ooo! He’s gonna shoot him!…who shot him?”
“Ok, so, that guy–”
“No, no, I know who got shot, it was that guy who was talking. Why?”
“Because the other guy is a traitor.”

HYDRA infiltrates and then attacks a SHIELD base to steal the corpse of Baron von Germanname, last of the global bogeymen. As to why there is a corpse on ice and not a pile of ashes in an unmarked urn somewhere, well, no clue. There is some slight resistance–

“Who this? Oh, the guy who was shot. Is he not dead?”

–a little bit of action–

“I don’t know what is going on.”

–Our first one-liner–

“That was a stupid saying. ‘Lets rock and let’s roll.’ For what?”

“What is going on? Still don’t know.”

–and a reveal of our female villain. The almost-dead-guy gasps out some dying words…

“What? What? He thought she was a boy? A man?”
“No, he was talking to Nick.”
“Huh?”
“Like, just in general. Like, his last words. Like, ‘Mama!’ Only, he says Nick.”

And we are introduced to Nick Fury, a retired badass who is for reasons known only to himself spending his days in an abandoned mine in the Yukon, whaling on a rock wall with a pickaxe. Hey…wonder if he knows anyone else up there….

However, duty calls in the shape of a slightly-gormless new recruit who doesn’t even mind that Fury’s first response to the intrusion is a rather resentful beatdown.

“Is that Nick? Nick Fury? Why is he doing that?”
“He didn’t know who it was.”
“He had no call to beat the man!”
“It could have been an enemy!”
“You look first, and then you beat people! You do not beat them first! This is not a good Nick Fury.”

Fury, it turns out, is rather bitter about having been put out to pasture, and isn’t interested, until he’s told about SceneOne McDeadGuy.

“They killed who?”
“That guy who said ‘Nick’.”
“Oh.”

After exchanging barbs with Contessa Valentina Allegra de la Fontaine, “an old hand at the sexpionage game,” and yes, that is a direct quote from the movie, matters proceed.

“What is this girl’s name? Pretty girl.”

“The eyepatch is not necessary.”
“He only has one eye!”
“Right. They didn’t have to have him that way.”
“He was that way in the original.”
“Hmph.”

Onboard the Helicarrier, we are introduced to PaleFace MindReader, an mind reader, who introduces herself by reading Fury’s mind.

“Did she know him?”
“No. She’s a mind reader.”
“She is?”

The Helicarrier set is quite a nice one. Yes, it’s a leftover from whatever submarine flick was released that year, but it has excellent set dressing and depth of field or whatever that sort of thing is called. And having background chatter, PA announcements, lots of extras moving around, so on and so forth, is also good for setting up verisimilitude. I mostly just like the fact that it’s not 110% CGI.

Notice the depth of the set on that second image: the heroes have already gone through one set of airlocks, the current space they’re standing in, and then the Contessa in the background is opening up the elevator, which they enter on camera in a single tracking shot. That’s cool!(Fury is grinning because he can’t hear the No Smoking sign over the sound of how awesome he is)

So Nick Fury, un-retired badass, gets straight to the butting of heads with his supercilious, obstructive, and petty supervisor. We know this guy is obstructive and petty because he tells Fury to put out that cigar.

“He shouldn’t be smoking! Breaking the rules is when you do good to break the rules. He is not a hero. That is an anti-hero….no matter how many people like him.”
“Nicotine is addictive.”
“That is not an excuse.”
“Look, he has to have the cigar when he says those lines, because they’d sound stupider if he didn’t have it.”
“What.”
“I bet it helps him keep a straight face!”
“….”

The standard debriefing/cool toys scene follows:

“James Bond! He is M…? Q, no, he’s Q.”

As does a quick one that spoke deeply to my ex-payroll preparer heart:

“Heh, heh, heh, did you get that? It’s his W4. They’re trying to get him to sign his W4.”
“And he should!”

We are also introduced to the Life Model Decoys, a concept which plays quite an important part in the comics and also (HINT HINT FORESHADOWIIIIIING HINT) in this very movie. We also get a pretty cool line: “I don’t know whether to congratulate you or put a stake in its heart.”

Meanwhile, The Rookie is asking leading questions so the senior agents can explain the plot to him. The scene is a bit on the nose, but it serves its purpose to a) provide exposition for the audience, b) make it clear that the senior agents know what they’re talking about….so it really isn’t Rookie’s fault he’s a bit gormless.

“This guy…is he gonna be a crook?”
“No!”
“He looks like a crook.”
“He’s a rookie. That’s why they have him chasing the W4s around.”
“Well then why doesn’t he know this stuff? This is important history.”
“Because he’s a rookie!”
“He’s an agent, isn’t he?”
“He just graduated from spy school! He’s not supposed to know anything!…heh heh heh, did you get that, spy school? High school? Heh heh. That was funny.”
“…”

To be continued later on account of my notebook went missing.

Movies With Others – Pride & Prejudice 1995 – Get Cultured (repost)

[A/N: this is back from my days in the tiger pits. No mothers were involved in the making of this post.]

“Riders, are we gonna get cultured tonight?”
“Yeah!”
“Wait, what are we doing?”
“Getting cultured. We’re watching Pride and Prejudice.”
“And Zombies?”

“A2, come get cultured!”
“….what?”
“We’re watching Pride and Prejudice.”
“But no zombies.”

“It’s kind of creepy that he’s just staring at her. I mean, he was awkward in the other version but this one–”
“Even more awkward.”
“Yeahhh…”

“So…what she just said was, ‘I heard you’re into this guy and I’m gonna tell it to you straight,’ but then she said, ‘you gotta be careful, he’s poor’?”

“He still staring at her?”
“It’s so awkward!”

“The mother isn’t going to be like this the whole movie, is she?”
“Yep.”
“Oh my g*d. I hate her already.”

“I like how the dad is just out of it. He’s so chill.”

“So awkward.”

“Homegirl is sassy! I love it. I like this girl. I hate everyone else, but I like her.”
“Well, what about Jane?”
“Oh, Jane is OK.”
“And what about the dad?”
“Oh, well, sure, I like him too.”
“What about Darcy?”
“Oh, well, I love Colin Firth, so sure. Even though he’s a creepy awkward dude who stares at girls instead of talking to them.”
“Hey, talking to people is hard.”
“…fair.”

“Oh my gosh. Is this the cousin guy?”
“He’s definitely more weasly. And possibly more ratlike.”
“I think he’s less ratlike but more weasly in this one.”
“You guys, he’s creepy!”

“THIS GUY! He’s so creepy!”
“He’s supposed to be like funny in a pathetic way.”
“He’s so creepy, it’s like–it’s like actually making me physically uncomfortable to see him.”

“Ooo, ooh is this gonna be the scene where he finds her in his house? DUDE. I cannot imagine how it would be if I came home and the person I asked to marry me and who turned me down was there IN MY HOUSE.”
“I hope this scene is as good as the other one, because that was deadass hilarious.”

“I feel like I need to read this book.”
“You need to read the book.”

“….so awkward.”

“What did I miss?”
“I wish I could catch you up, but…”
“….culture. You missed getting cultured.”
“Oh. That makes me sad.”

“When are the zombies going to show up?”

(repost) Movies with my Mother: Rogue One

(Reposted from a time at which the prospect of further degradation to Star Wars still stung.)

“Where is the girl?”
“I dunno.”
“There was a girl. There was! She got out of bed and then what?”
“I dunno.”

“Is this the same guy?”
“I dunno.”
“Why do you think I brought you in here?!”

“What? To the people who were rescuing her?”

“This thing makes my teeth go on edge.”
“Sh.”
“It’s stupid.”
“Shhhh.”

“Is that her mother?”

“Whhhat!? The father?”
“Yes.”
“That’s what they want him to do?”

“Where they going?”
“Jeddha.”
“Which is?”
“Some planet.”
“It must be where they have the Death Star, or, uh, the Alliance people. Somewhere with all these stupid names.”

“I don’t understand what’s going on.”
“Mnmn.”
“You said you looked at it.”
“I skipped.”
“What is going on here?”
“I think he’s a fanatic.”
“Was that a defector?”
“He’s going to kill the guy.”
“Why?”
“Bcause he’s a fanatic.”

“He’s still alive?”
“NO, he’s long dead, he’s CGI.”
“Whhat?”
“They’ve got his voice wrong.”
“Whhhat, he’s fake? He’s really fake?”
“They got his voice so wrong.”
“I’m amazed he’s even there.”
“OH WAIT UNTIL YOU SEE THE FAKE CGI LEIA AT THE END.”

“Is this CGI too?”
“Yes.”
“What?”
“Everything is CGI.”
“No, it’s not.”
“Even the people.”

“Why are they having that out?”
“What?”
“The pilot.”
“Who?”
“The pilot who defected. I thought the Alliance had him.”
“No, they’re the Alliance splinter group fanatics.” *{Educated guess.}
“Tch.”

“Who was he really going to if he wasn’t going to them?”
“I dunno.”
“Why don’t you watch the movie, instead of typing, so you can tell me?”

“Who is he?”
“He’s Donnie Yen.”
“Never heard of him.”
“You don’t watch enough kung fu movies.”
“He’s Chinese? He is not Chinese.”
“He is Chinese!”
“Look at him, he is not Chinese.”
“What?”
“He is not Chinese.”
“Him, there, is not Chinese?”
“Not him, there, him, this guy, here.”

“See, kung fu guy.”

“You know what the Imperium would have done if they had known she was a hostage? They’d have gone and rescued her and messed up the alliance cell that was holding her. Or killed her.”

“Wait a minute, everybody’s listening.”
“Yeah.”
“So everybody hears it?”
“Yeah.”
“So it’s not a secret message.”

“He’s lying?”
“I dunno.”

“OH THERE’S NO WAY IT WOULD REACH THAT FAR UP INTO THE ATMOSPHERE!”
“Sh.”

“What’d he say?”
“She’s afraid he’s going to kill her father.”
“Oh, well we know that.”

“What’s this?”
“I dunno.”

“Where did all these folk come from?”
“I dunno. I dunno! The tape skipped!”

“What!? What happened?! How! How did she find him just like that? They gon’ get her!”

“Did he kill him by any chance?”
“No, the rebels killed him, I think. The airstrike killed him.”

“Ok, tell me what’s happened when I come back.”
…
“Jyn realized that Cassian was planning to kill her father, and she accused him, and he’s denying it….but he admitted that he was going to, and she got mad, and he says she’s a hypocrite for only just now caring about the rebellion now that her father’s dead; and he’s a soldier who has to follow orders.”
“Mhhm.”

“Oh, oh, oh, it’s the bit with Darth Vader come quick. Oh, well, the first bit with Darth Vader.”
“He’s CGI, too?”
“No, he’s real.”
“Is he going to look ugly or something?”
“No, he looks like Darth Vader.”
“He has the thing on his head.”

“Duhnnnn duhhhhh duh na na nah….I didn’t say that.”

“Is he going to kill this man? Why would he need to kill him?”

[“I deserve”]
“Uh oh.”

“He killing him? Why’s he doing that?”
“Cause he’s….I dunno. He’s very annoying.”

“Tsch! That’s what Rogue One is? Tehee.”

“Dude. DUDE. IS THIS GUY EVEN SUPPOSED TO BE THERE? NO HE’S NOT.”

“Who? Who are they talking about?”
“LEIA.”
“Oh. Waitaminute.”

“Ok, they say this half of the movie is a lot better than the other half.”

“Oh my gosh, they coming there?….That’s not them. Uh oh.”

“That was an Unnecessary Combat Roll.”
“It was?”

“What are they doing?”
“Setting bombs.”
“Where?”
“Wherever they want.”

“Where were they going before?”

“Uh oh! Look!”
“What, what happened?”
“Look!”
“Oh. Them things.”

“WHY ARE YOU SHOOTING OUT OF THE WINDOWS?!”

[carnival claws for the files, really?]

“What is it with this guy and his cloak?!”
“I do not know.”

“He’s dead? Why wasn’t The Force with him on the way back?”

“Heh. The Force is not with him. Heh. Sorry.”

“WOULDN’T THE OTHER SHIP MOVE?”
“Sh.”
“IT WOULD MOVE OUT OF THE WAY!”
“Hush!”

[THAT DARTH VADER SCENE]
“Who are these? Rebels? Uh oh. Oh my.”

Movies with my Mother: A Day of Fury (1956)

(Reposted from….wow, way back in 2017.)

“Dun duuuun dun!”

“Jagade? Never heard of him.”
“He’s fictional.”

“See, a brown horse. You wouldn’t be able to tell in black and white that he was riding a brown horse. It’d just be a black horse. Or a white horse.”

“Jagadi. Jagati?”

“What’s she always looking at?”
“Him.”

” ‘Windah.’ ”

“He’s pushing his luck. He is!”
“He’s doing it on purpose.”
“Yes, but he is pushing it! Look at him!”

” ‘Excuse us. Give us a minute please.’ ‘Beat it?’ ”
“The kid deserved it.”
“Could still be polite.”

“See, look, he actually knows how how to ride.”

“What’s she doing?…checking him out?”

“Bet you someone saw her.”
“Yep, see, the other girl. Ungrateful!”

“Uh oh, ambush. Ambush!”
“No, it’s the girl waiting for him….oh, it’s the other girl. Huh.”

“Noooo, you can get down without his help.”
“They always do.”

“Tell me what happens when I get back. […] What did he do to the schoolteacher girl?”

“They’ll turn against him. Look, she turned against him already.”
“Yeah, but he knows it.”
“That lady didn’t want that girl to come back, look.”
“He does it on purpose. He pushes people. He likes it.”
“And they turn against him.”
“Yeah, but when people try to fight back he kills them.”

“What. Did that. Prove.”

“He just told you everything you needed to know, now go back.”

“Uh oh, uh oh did he really send that young man?”
“He didn’t but he’s been egging him on the whole time.”

“Uhhhh ohhhhh.”

“He a big man, he got a gun, huh.”

“Too bad.”
“He might survive!”

[very nearly simultaneously:]
“Turn around…he’s going to turn around…”
“Uh oh I can’t look, when you can’t see people’s backs, they’re gonna see something–”
[he sees something and it’s genuinely shocking]
“Uhhhohhhhhhhh!”
“Oh my gosh!”

[“One of us will explain later.”]
“Teehee!”
“Good one.”

“All that is sass. The marshal said get, now.”

“What! Why did the bell get him!”
“The preacher beat him–mostly by being shot–”
“Wait. How?”
“The preacher stopped them, they were about to lynch the marshal. And the marshal was their only hope. So the preacher beat him, and there was enough of them to ring the bell. Or something.”

“I didn’t know he was faster!”
“Of course he’s faster, he’s the good guy.”

“That was a good movie.”
“It was intresting.”

Half the battle

“Do you want to watch Shang-Chi?”
“What is that?”
“That’s the new Marvel movie.”
“Is Shang-Chi some Chinese person?”
“Yes.”
“I don’t wanna watch that. Is there a new Avengers movie?”
“No, they’re all dead.”
“What?”
“They all got killed off so they could bring in new characters like Shang-chi.”

“Does anybody want to watch Ninja?”
“No.”

“Does anybody want to watch Ninja 2: Shadow of a Tear?”
“No.”
“We didn’t go for Ninja 1, she trying to sell us Ninja 2!”
“….Batman Ninja…?”
“No.”

“Can we see Frozen 2?”
“No.”
“No.”

“Your uncle is not a movie person. You know what he likes? Hallmark movies.”
“Dune is kind of like a Hallmark movie….”

“Can I see something like Legally Blonde?”

“L, do you know Audie Murphy?”
“Uh-huh. He is a cowboy actor. Oooold-time.”
“Audi….”
“Audie.”
“Audi.”
“Audie! He’s not a car, he’s a person.”

“You know what is a good movie is? House of 1000 Corpses.”
“I have Ninja Assassin…..”

“What is Blade Runner about? Is that about ice skating?”
“She’s writing that stupid question you asked down, look.”

“The Matrix! You haven’t seen The Matrix.”
“I haven’t? Is it like Terminator?”
“No.”
“Yes.”
“It’s like a Hallmark movie.”
“Riders, stop.”

“You know what I like? Always In My Heart.”
“What is that?”
“It’s like an old Hallmark. 1950s.”
“Does it have action?”
“It’s like an old Hallmark movie. It’s very sweet.”
“Does it have ninjas?”
“It’s sweet.”
“Does it have cowboys?”
“It’s sweet.”
“Does it have terminators?”
“….It has all of them.”
“Oh.”
“Do you have it?”
“No.”

“This is Always In My Heart?”
“Yes.”
“It is?”
“D, you are giving her such good lines.”

Movies With My Mother – The Phantom (1996)

“What kind of movie is this? What are they looking for?”
“I dunno.”
“Can you just give me an outline? What are they looking for?”
“Treasure.”
“….I could have figured that out myself.”

“This is like that movie with Harrison. Who stole from who? They steal from Indiana?”
“Yes.”
“Blatantly?!”

“Who is that?”

“Oh look! right behind there! Did he get away? Did he get away with that little head thing?”

“This is so like that Harrison movie. Or was it Lara?”

“And what’s with the purple outfit?”

“Uh oh. Uh oh! Oh this is too much.”

“….This is like Batman!”

“Oh that’s a shame. The whole bridge is gone.”
“But the kid’s OK.”
“Hmm.”

“So what happened to that skull?”
“The other guys got it.”

“I know him. I don’t care for him. He was a bad man in another movie…”

“What’s with the hair, look, check the hair out!”

“Is there a book to this?”
“Probably?”

“Look at him, it’s Anthony…is it?”
“…Oh yeah,  it is….”
“Anthony…”
“Anthony Quinn! Wow, look at him!”
“Yes! I was thinking Anthony Quayle. It is him! Quinn.”

“Look, look! He already got the mayor and the police chief!”

“Ooooh what’s he goin’ do with him? Is he goin’ mess with his eyes?…Ohmigosh!”

“Who is this?”
“A bad guy.”
“A bad girl! Bad girls!”
“Hey, it’s Catherine Zeta-Jones!”
“What.”

“Stop the thing! I just got it. Stop it! I just got it! I just got it! I just got it! Diana Palmer! That rings a bell! It’s The Phantom! The Phantom from the comic strip! Oh, I just remembered it when I heard her name! He was purple? I remember it being black and white! Oh my gosh!”

“Who is this guy, by the way?”

“I don’t remember The Phantom being…I barely remember it. This is from when I was ten years old!”

“Why he taking the child with him? He’s putting the child in danger. He is! He’s going to go rescue someone, he’ll be in danger!”
…
“OK, he’ll hold the horse. Hopefully.”
“No, he’s sending him home.”
“Good. Hopefully he is smart enough to go home!”

“Did The Phantom have a dog? The dog is his scout?”

“How did the horse know where to go?”
“The dog told it.”
“Of course.”

“How come they…oh. Because they shot at the thing.”

“Oh no. That plane gonna go into a mountain?”
“Yep.”
“Why?”
“They always do.”
“And blow up?”
“They always do.”

“Why is that stupid horse going so fast?”

“What did they just see? Who are these people?”
“Bad guyssss.”
“Did he just throw that man out?”
“Yes.”

“What, did she get shot or something? All of a sudden she tired?”
“It’s the adrenaline dump.”

“I just don’t remember anything about The Phantom. Just that I used to watch it. And I used to read it for a little while. It was a comic book. Way back.”

“What’s all this?”
“Treasure.”
“Where did he get it?”
“It’s a secret hidden temple. They always have treasure in secret hidden temples.”
“And they are in the secret hidden temple? And he just gives her a string of pearls? To remember him by? Just like that?”

“That is such a stupid costume.”
“Yeah.”

“Oh he’s signing his own obituary. His death thing.”

“See him? He back there is a traitor! He’s working for them! See!”

“This fool gon’ break the glass?! Oh! How did he get there so fast? Ooooh, someone told him!! That guy told him! Look!”

“Ooooh, look look, what’s happening, Riders?”

“Oh, he brought the skull together, you’re not supposed to bring them together! They do something when they’re together. They’re pointing to the third skull, look!”

“I don’t know that girl’s face. She have a face like she could be a thousand girls.”

“He has to put more oomph into when he hits them so they stay down!”

“What is his power actually?”
“He’s got some guns.”
“What is The Phantom’s power?”
“Apparently to have guns and wear purple.”

“I don’t wanna see this. This is violence! How did he get out?”
“He jumped out.”
“So everybody can see him? Oh and the police will be after him!”

“Oh that’s pretty cool.”
“It’s what he used to in the jungle!”

“The Phantom. Gosh, if I could remember anything except ‘The Phantom.’”

“You mean this fool couldn’t get away without them seeing?”

“So what did that girl say?”
“She knows who he is.”
“Who who is?”
“The Phantom.”
“Oh. But Diana didn’t know.”
“Diana does know.”
“How did she know?”
“HIS MASK DOESN’T EVEN COVER HIS FACE AND HIS VOICE IS THE SAME. SHE’S NOT AS DUMB AS LOIS LANE MOM.”

“How did he get up on the plane?”

“Ohhhh, look, it’s creepy! They don’t know where they going, but they’re going? Oh look at him, look at his mouth, heh heh heh. He’s scared. Look, they really are going in somewhere.”

“Amazing. They knew exactly where to go.”

“Who are these people? How did they get there?”
“They been guarding it all along.”
“Why?”
“It’s a sacred hidden temple, you always have people guarding sacred hidden temples.”

“What was that? You weren’t looking. What was that?”
“What did it look like?”
“Looked like something going under the bridge. It looked like a critter.”
“Then it was a critter going under the bridge.”

“Your dad says I would be scared of Dune because there are worms. Worrrrrrrms.”

“Say that again!”
“Things going under the bridge?”
“No, before that. You said something and it was funny.”
“…”

“How he don’t know the man won’t just beat him up and take both skulls?…Uh oh.”

“Oh, he gon’ die.”

“Uh oh! Look! Look!….Awwww, again?”

[due to a stuck FF button, we missed about five minutes of the climax]

“…Star Wars.”

“Seriously?!”
“So all that destroyed him? And the fire is from that….?”
“The skulls…I dunno, they reacted with the other skull?”
“What other skull?”
“The skull on his ring was the fourth skull.”
“Oh.”

“Wasn’t bad at all!”

Movies with My Mother and Aunt and Uncles) – Maverick (1994)

REPOST REVIEW

“You’re taking notes? On what?”

“Something’s gonna crawl out of that bag…I guess.”
“Oh, it’s a snake.”
“OH. MY. GOSH.”
“Awww, lookit the li’l snake.”

“OK, I’m liking the scenery.”

“Mel Gibson? Thirty years ago? Ten years ago?”
“Thirty.”
“The man is old now!”
“He is not old…”

“Teehee, he’s on the donkey?”
“I’m surprised it’s going where he wants it to go.”
“Oh, it went.”

“He gave THEM the dollar?”
“And the mule.”

“Jody?”
“Yep.”

“They’re watching all the money he’s bringing.”
“A whole bunch of crooks.”
“I wonder when the hour is up, what then?…Ooo, she’s giving signs. Look, she’s giving signs.”

“Uh oh…uh oh….UH OH!” (my aunt).

“Is that the guy?”
“John Wesley Hardin?”
“What did he say his name was/”
“Maverick.”
“No, the gun guy.’
“Johnny.”
“Oh, it was him.”

“Uh oh!” (my mother)

“Should we–you should tell them what happens!”
“No.”
“No.”
“No!”

“Why did he tell the boys they could shoot him?”
“Cause he didn’t like getting beat up.”
“But the whole thing was staged!”
“NNnnghph!”
“SORRY. Was that part of it?”
“…Yes.”

“Jody’s in love!”
“….but…”
“I thought she was married?”

“Ok, that was something. She got him already?”
” ‘May I’…what?”

“She’s so good.”
“Jody Foster is so good!”

“She took his wallet again!”

“Uh oh!”
“A real bank robbery! Heh!”

“He had a thousand!”
…
“He took the dollar!”

“Crook!”
“They gave him more?”
“Probably. Here’s your 17, 30, 8…”
“He ripped them off!”

“Uh oh!” (my uncle).

“The thief and the old guy! Did you hear that? This is funny!”

“Oh boy.” (my mother).

“Uh oh.” (my aunt.)
“He’s dead!”

“For real-for real?”

“She in his wallet again!”

“…that saved a wretch like me?”
“Are you singing?”
“No.”
“No.”

“Rrr! Heheheh.”

“Bet you a dollar she’s stealing.”

“That is SO DUMB.”

“She took it? She stole the money?!”

“Did he call the horse Ollie?”

“Is that the same guy?”

“James Coburn! That’s James Coburn!”
“Oh! That’s him, I couldn’t remember his name!”

“That’s Denver Pyle.”
“Whoever that is.”
“…he was Uncle Jesse on Dukes of Hazzard?”
“He’s gonna jump!”

“He’s all outa money.”
” ‘But I was so close!’ ”

“This thing is a setup.”
“Which thing?”
“What?”
“Which thing?”
“This thing. This whole thing.”
“….why would you say that.”
“It’s a setup.”

“What’s she want from him now?…oh.”
….
“He’s as bad as she is, he’s hiding his stuff.”
“She’s just gonna reach over and take it. With her skinny hands.”

“Uh oh.”

“That was Waylon Jennings!”
“Who?”
“The singer!”
“But who?”
“The guy they just threw overboard, who is a singer who was just singing the song just now!”

“Who did that?”
“Either her or James Coburn. James Coburn looks like a crook.”

“Four more bongs…one…”

“Uh oh!”
“HEY!”
“Is that the dealer cheating?”
“The dealer is dealing for the Indian-looking guy.”
“He’s dealing off the bottom.”

“A full house?”
“Looks like.”

“UH OH!”
“CHEATER!”

“With your Pappy nonsense again? Pappy says it’s an ace!”

“Look at those big blues…”

“He tricked him!”

“All these people supposed to have no guns, where’d that gun come from? Everybody’s got guns!”

“Uh oh!” (my aunt.)
“Uh oh!” (my mother.)

“It’s a little put-put boat!”

“Uh oh!”

“Something’s behind all this, I know it.”
“It’s her and James Coburn!”

“It’s a shame those dresses don’t come back in our time period.”
“They too much.”
“They’re beautiful!”

“He’s counting the money?”

“TOLD YOU!”

“OH. MY. GOSH.”

“The man won the money fair and square! Why you gonna take it from him?”

“Uh oh.”
“Gonna drown him?”

“What! What! Oh my gosh!”
“That’s his FATHER?”
“Did you see that?”

“Uh oh!”

“OH MY GOSH IT”S THE GIRL!”

Movies with my Mother – Hail Caesar (2016)

[A/n: This is a repost from 2017 session. As of this week in 2021, we got half-way through Goliyon Ki Rasleela Ram-Leela and both tapped out.]

“He’s a bounty hunter?”
“Nnnno.”

“Ok, ok, who is he?”
“He’s the fixer guy. So, his job is to go run down the stars when they go on a bender, or get married in Mexico, or get into an illicit postcard situation or something.”

“Who is she?”

“What’s going on here?”

“Why are they hitting them? They’re moving, aren’t they?”
“It’s what you do to slaves.”
“And where did Eddie come into this?”

“Why would he stand up….this is the promising guy?….OH PLEASE…he’s being shot at? Oh no!”

“Apparently that guy is going to be playing Harrison Ford in the young Han Solo movie.”
“Is he? Han Solo….Han Solo…Han Solo….who is he?”

“What?…oh, he’s Jewish.”

“Is this a modern thing? When was it made?”
“Last year.”
“Huh.”

“Why did they kidnap him? Tell me the reason.”
“They’re secretly marxists and they want to indoctrinate him in marxist doctrine.”
“How?”
“Because he’s dumb as a plank.”
“Why?”
“So he can spread marxist propaganda like they used to accuse people of doing.”

“What is this in aid of?'”
“They used to have musical numbers, remember?”
“Yes, I remember Esther Williams–this is like her.”
“This is like a parody of her.”
“Why are they making it a parody?”
“Well, it’s more like a homage.”

“Is that Joanna Scarlett?”

“What’s this?”
“They’re trying to switch him over from being a cowboy actor to being a serious drama actor.”
“I see that.”

“If this is modern, what’s the deal with the hair?”
“What’s the deal with the hair?”

“….Huh. What….why are they wanting him when he can’t do it?”

“He’s not giving good directions, what is this! Foolishness!…do I have to look at this?”

“Why is he talking like that?”
“Because he’s Texan. Also because he has dentures.”

“It’s a stupid line, anyway.”
“He is a stupid man!”

“Who are they all?”
“They’re a secret cabal of communist writers.”
“Oh, they put the little propaganda in their scripts?”
“Yes.”
“Oh. Just like liberals today.”
“Yeah.”
“Do not write that down! Your audience will be mad at you!”

“Why do they want money?”
“Because…I dunno. Dirty communists…”

“No what?”
“No gams.”

“I know his face.”
“He doesn’t have a face, he’s just a slab of meat.”
“Him!”
“Channing Tatum.”

“Oh, that’s cute.”

“What was that?”
“The pregnant Esther Williams girl, he’s the father, but he’s already married.”

“Oh, so they just want some money? Some profit?”

“No faces?”
“This is just the opening credits.”

“Oh my what happened to her!?”

“Oh that’s good! The fools should have changed it from the beginning! What a line….This is boring!”
“You just said you liked it!”
“It’s boring….who is Caesar?”

“Lips and the hips and the what?”

“Why haven’t they released that man?”
“Because they still haven’t got the money. It’s still on its way to them!”

“The two columnists are like the two sisters who–what! Is he one of them!?”

“Well, it shows all actors to be kinda stupid.”
“Well, it’s ’cause they are.”
“Argh.”

“What movie is this?”
“Huh….Well, I guess he’s Washington crossing the Delaware.”

“What is this now?”
“The submarine’s going to pick him up.”
“The what….that’s good. That’s nice. Submarine, yeah.”

“Oh no!”

“Who does he represent? I mean, who is he, who went to the others?”

“Who was her source?”
“Him who went on the submarine.”

“Twenty-seven hours?”

“See, that was a good movie!”
“No, it wasn’t.”

[also: MwmM for Maverick 1994? She refused to watch it until I put the notebook away.]

Twins of Evil (1971) – Attempted Watch Party

“So Riders, what are we watching?”
“Okay, so, there’s this movie about this man, who is a man of God and he smites evil.”
“Sounds good!”
“And then his nieces show up and he ends up driving them to evil and then he regrets it.”
“Still sounds good….let’s start it!”
“Why are you grinning like that, Riders?”

“Is this old-timey kind of movie?”
“Yes.”
“I mean, is it set in old times, or does it have old actors?”
“….yes.”

“Puritan?”
“I guess.”
“Puritan, right?”
“Yeah, but they have crucifixes and they make the sign of the cross. I think the filmmakers just got confused.”

“Just like that?! Just like that they burning her?”
“Was it like that really?”
“Yes. Unfortunately, in America they did have vigilantes, and they did go around and accuse people and they did burn witches.”
“This isn’t America.”
“….what?”

“Are those real twins?”

“I saw a black man.”

“So who is this man? Him who is fooling around with the girl? Is he a Puritan, too?”
“NO!”
“He is in black and white, too, look.”
“That’s ’cause he’s in his underwear!”
“Oh.”
“That’s a lot of underwear.”

“Oh! They are going to become bad girls. So thus they are twins of evil. I get it now, ahhh.”

“OHHHH HE BETTER NOT GO IN THERE WITH THEM!…phew! He evil, man! He’s the one who needs to be burned at the stake.”
“Well, he’s trying to smite evil.”
“HE EVIL.”

“I mean…I’d personally not be all that fired up about pleasures beyond the grave.”

“He gon’ kill her?”
“….”
“He gon’ kill her? Riders. Put the other one on”
“Yes, Riders what is that other one you said with the soldier who has to rescue his daughter?”
“Aww you guys, we didn’t even get to the bit with the vampires yet!”
“There are vampires in this movie?”