Movies With Others – Pride & Prejudice 1995 – Get Cultured (repost)

vaxwpk857xbpaeosvkrsfmbokpl[A/N: this is back from my days in the tiger pits. No mothers were involved in the making of this post.]

“Riders, are we gonna get cultured tonight?”
“Yeah!”
“Wait, what are we doing?”
“Getting cultured. We’re watching Pride and Prejudice.”
“And Zombies?”

“A2, come get cultured!”
“….what?”
“We’re watching Pride and Prejudice.”
“But no zombies.”

“It’s kind of creepy that he’s just staring at her. I mean, he was awkward in the other version but this one–”
“Even more awkward.”
“Yeahhh…”

“So…what she just said was, ‘I heard you’re into this guy and I’m gonna tell it to you straight,’ but then she said, ‘you gotta be careful, he’s poor’?”

“He still staring at her?”
“It’s so awkward!”

“The mother isn’t going to be like this the whole movie, is she?”
“Yep.”
“Oh my g*d. I hate her already.”

“I like how the dad is just out of it. He’s so chill.”

“So awkward.”

“Homegirl is sassy! I love it. I like this girl. I hate everyone else, but I like her.”
“Well, what about Jane?”
“Oh, Jane is OK.”
“And what about the dad?”
“Oh, well, sure, I like him too.”
“What about Darcy?”
“Oh, well, I love Colin Firth, so sure. Even though he’s a creepy awkward dude who stares at girls instead of talking to them.”
“Hey, talking to people is hard.”
“…fair.”

“Oh my gosh. Is this the cousin guy?”
“He’s definitely more weasly. And possibly more ratlike.”
“I think he’s less ratlike but more weasly in this one.”
“You guys, he’s creepy!”

“THIS GUY! He’s so creepy!”
“He’s supposed to be like funny in a pathetic way.”
“He’s so creepy, it’s like–it’s like actually making me physically uncomfortable to see him.”

“Ooo, ooh is this gonna be the scene where he finds her in his house? DUDE. I cannot imagine how it would be if I came home and the person I asked to marry me and who turned me down was there IN MY HOUSE.”
“I hope this scene is as good as the other one, because that was deadass hilarious.”

“I feel like I need to read this book.”
“You need to read the book.”

“….so awkward.”

“What did I miss?”
“I wish I could catch you up, but…”
“….culture. You missed getting cultured.”
“Oh. That makes me sad.”

“When are the zombies going to show up?”

Or spoken: figure out

“Big River!”
“Oooo how big?”
“Not that big.”

“So I have a thing on my blog,  Movies With My Mother, where it’s us watching a movie and me explaining it as we go along–”
“I am going to find your blog and I am going to read that, because it sounds like the funniest thing ever.”
“Ah, uh.” [Riders changes the subject]

“So T–”
“Oh, you know T?”
“Yeah, he used to come around [redacted] all the time with his dogs. I loved his dogs.”
“Yeah, they’re awesome! He’s okay. He’s not as smart as he thinks he is–”
“No he is not.”

“…so yeah, M is not in good health, and her son–”
“–B–”
“Yeah, he’s also–”
“–a goober.”
“…yeah….”

“It’s not rocket surgery.”

“If you ladies can just give me a minute, I need to figure out what to do with these guns.”

OvErHeArD: ReGeRtS

[re: free yardsticks] “Looks like a good whackin’ stick.”
[waggles stick] “They don’t make ’em like they used to!”

“It was a good wedding! There was sippin’ whiskey. I did not sip it.”

“S, what is that?”
“It’s my fake tattoo! It says ‘sip sip hooray,’ but it’s upside down.”
“….”
“NO REGERTS!”

“Did the USDA just get run out of town?”

“Okay guys, bye. I’m gonna go home and adult now.”
“Hey, ‘woohoo!, right?”
“Hah, no, ‘oh no!'”

[someone tried to hand Riders a baby.] “Oh my God look at that face!”

“I’m just gonna sit in this room eating cookies for the rest of the day. That’s what I’m gonna do.”

….or spoken: write this down

“On the bright side, you may get to see two shitshows in one day.”

“Just so you know, N and I are going out to see M on Wednesday….so if you see a mushroom cloud coming from Dodge County way…”

“Wow, he’s an ass.”
“Yeah…..that whole family…E used to date him y’know.”
“E needs better taste in men!”

“Hey, if you’re coming down from the office can you bring me some notebooks and a couple reams of printer paper? And also some pens?”
“Hang on, I’m writing this down. ‘Notebooks….one thousand pages printer paper…'”
“And a big ‘ol handful of pens.”
“…’big handful of pens.'”

“Well hey, the rest of the day may go swimmingly!”
“….one certainly hopes so, Riders.”

Overheard: HIGH STRUNG

“O.K. I will say good-bye now, before I go in and my children are all over me like little shaggy dogs.”

“What is wrong with the Jamaicans? I mean, seriously what is up with them?!”
“I don’t know what is wrong with the Jamaicans….are they trying to marry you off, bro?”

“That is a nice truck, though.”
“That is a very nice truck.”

Overheard: ExTrEmE diSpLeAsUrE

“If she’s that smart, why isn’t she rich and why does she work for you?”

“I’m pretty sure if me and Mom ordered you to go to a doctor on pain of extreme displeasure you would go to the doctor.”
“I did go to the doctor!”

“I noticed you were sitting in on that one, not hanging out in the….oh, the whatchamawhoozit. In the lobby.”

“She talked kinda slow, kinda like she was from Arkansas.”

“I have had an exciting day and I haven’t left my kitchen yet.”

“People are so needy.”

Overheard: u mad?

“I hope I ruined her vacation.”

“Okay, see you next year.”
“Well, I hope I don’t see you before next year.”
“I know, me too. Take care.”

[to toddler] “Unlike you, I don’t have any teeth!”

“Oh. My. Gosh. Those roads, are so curvy. You go around one corner, and you can see, your own hind end, coming around the other side!”

“What did she say the name was?”
“Sweetie.”
“I meant the person.”
“Oh. Angela.”

“So….I’ll just sit here for a while and keep honking the horn. Maybe they’ll send someone down to open the gate.”
“I wouldn’t hold my breath. Not for longer than a minute….”

OvErHeArD: hOtTtT

“Has anyone ever tried crossing a German Shepherd with a Poodle?”
No.

“Well, S is–what’s the drug that makes you twitchy?”
“Meth.”
“Yeah. She’s on meth.”

“So I’m gonna have to go redo [x.]”
“That would be the honorable thing to do.”

“You only need to hang on to those for two years.”
“Oh! Oh, that’s great.”
“Yeah, have a bonfire!”
“Not now!”

“…yeah, so I was trying to be nice.”
“Well the problem is, Riders, is that no good deed–how do they say? No good deed goes unpunished.”

Overheard: at the Aquarium

“That’s a boat.”

“Those birds look real, cover your head!”

“How did Roy Rogers end up here? He was a cowboy, get out!”

5d6087a923c15.image_“Riders! Riders come here! What is that thing?”
“Oh! It’s the albino alligator!”
“Why is it orange and blue?”
“….it’s white….?”
“But why is it blue? Is that a color they come in?”
“It…it’s an albino, it’s white, it’s not….”
“Oh, it’s the lights. The lights are on it. Is it the lights making it blue? And yellow?”
“…yes.”
“Oh. ‘Cause I was wonderin’, why is there a blue crocodile in this place? I didn’t know they came in blue!”
“….”

“Ah, they even have it smell like them things in here!”
“I wouldn’t know, I breathe through my mouth in these places.”

“Oh, wow, it’s a Short-Faced Bear!”
“Oh…..”
“They’re extinct.”
“Oh. Praise the Lord.”

“There’s a movie, The Night at the Museum–“
“Well, the good news is that the mountain sheep won’t be d–well, they won’t be so aggr….well, the good news is that none of them can operate doors.”
“There you go.”

“All these and no females?”
“That’s a male right there. It’s anatomically correct, look…”
“It’s a sheep, though.”
“It’s a bighorn sheep.”
“Sheep is female. A male sheep is a ram.”
“….they’re bighorn sheep, it’s the species name.”
“And a male sheep is a ram!”
“….a bighorn ram?”
“Yes.”
“So…that’s a ram, right there.”
“….yes!”
“…”
“…”
“That’s a moose.”