Overheard: NiNjAa

“Hey, how’s your day going?”
“A lot better now actually after I scared this guy and he said I was like a ninja…”

“This case went through years of litigation and settled for–that much.”

“So I learned the sexy new term, and it’s ‘tactical retreat.’ It’s not running away with your tail tucked, it’s ‘tactical retreat.‘”

“–and somehow I’m ordering a box of hay off the Internet for like fifty dollars–”

“She’d pick that damn thing up and be like, ‘oh lookit the snake, isn’t it cute,’ and I’d be like ‘you’re sick.‘”

“I don’t know what a bearded dragon is, is it gonna burn my face when it breathes fire?”

or spoken: A discussion (repost)

“Where are you going to get the tobacco leaves?”
“I dunno.”
“Well, where did you get them last time?”
“We, uh, got them from an old guy down the holler’ named Tex.”
“That explains a lot.”

“B, you’ve worked with spiders before?”
“I have done spider sprint speed trials.”
“Not sure why. I can tell you how. You get a PVC half-pipe, and you put your spider in it, and you take a dowel rod, and you go poke-poke-poke-poke.”

“Remember, you are allowed to observe your cat, not experiment on it.”
“Yeah, I can turn her loose and watch her. My sample size is one!”

“Are we allowed to have tobacco on campus?”
“We aren’t going to be smoking it.”
“Yeah, we won’t inhale.”

Or spoken: Attitude

“Three chihuahuas and a teenager, you must have a lot of attitude going on in that house.”

“It looked like the typical Mennonite, Amish place, with the traditional house and the severe overgrazing–”

“I’d drink from the hose but I know where it’s been.”

“She said, ‘don’t let me catch you selling to anyone.’ And I just said, ‘well, you won’t catch me….'”
“Yeah, okay, Charlene.”

“And I’m like, my dude, I know that the printer isn’t supposed to print wirelessly, I just want it to continue doing so.”*
* It isn’t.

Or spoken: a deux

“L and G moved in together. It turns out they had a relationship that was….”
“–a psychotic folie a deux?”
“Yes, precisely.”

“And like all vets, he writes like he’s an axe murderer.”

“Have you seen John Wick 4?”
“It’s pretty good. If you like shooting people and techno music. And people shooting people to techno music.”

Or spoken: checks out

“He was like, we’ll do acupuncture on horses and dogs. But not on cats. And I’m like, that checks out.”

“It’s a little bit more difficult, we’re down from four people to two and a half.”

“Do not ever, ever work with your spouse. […] Oooh, I could just beat him!”
“Don’t do that, not allowed by OSHA.”

“She’s been working with them since she was twenty. And now she’s sixty-five.”
“Y…uh, you just had to tell me that, didn’t you.”
“Yes he did.”

overheard….or spoken: DEworm

“I’m treating myself for parasites so now I worm the shit out of my dogs.”

“What’s Sailer-man up to these days?”
“He’s arguing with people on twitter about the Barbie movie.”

“That is a nice horse picture. But the other girl with the gun should not be there.”
“Also the ginger star should be capitalized.”
“Look, just go to the post.”
“The girl with the gun shouldn’t be pointing a gun at people.”

“Hm, that is not bad. Let’s count some fingers.”

“Look, these are Riders’ dragons. Do you like her dragons?”

“If it continues I might go to a chiroquacktor.”

“Lords of Doom, this is Riders, good afternoon.”
“You sound so professional.”

Or spoken: intelligence

“Hey, have fun at the dentist! :)”
“Hey. Thanks. 😦 ”

“Y’all want a piece of smoked tenderloin?”

“My question is, what is your question?”

“I don’t think this guy gets it–”
“He is hardcore not getting it.”
“I think his wife understands a little, but she’s tweakin’.”

“So when we set up our business, this took us an afternoon.”
“Yeah, but you’re intelligent. I don’t think this guy is.”

“Why do you keep saying this guy isn’t smart? Does he have Downs Syndrome or something?”

“Easy, easy…”
“We were on the phone for thirty minutes!”
“Whatever! Just for him to tell us stuff we already knew!”
“Hey, M’s gotta mansplain something to someone.”
“He can mansplain to his wife. It’s what she’s there for.”

Or Spoken: uNgLuEd

“How many pictures do you take in a day?”

“I should have gone home and had dinner and let sleeping dogs lie.”

“Yesterday over in W I got to see two people get arrested. This one lady took her dentures out and threw them at someone.”
“….how does that get two people arrested?”

“What’ve you got on fire over there?…what’ve they got on fire over there?

“What’s goin’ on?”
“So I’ve got a person asking for help for a friend, totally a friend, totally not her, she’s got a situation and she needs x. The friend does. Not her.”

“Well, he said my dog was a mutt and I about came unglued.”

“Am I doing better?”
“Well, C, I can say you are definitely making progress in a direction.”

Or spoken: SmArT

“But enough about me. How are things going with your clients? The ones who were having so much trouble?”
“Which ones?”
“I don’t know! The ones you told me about last.”
“Oh, the stupid ones?”

“A was hoping you could show her your X system, she had some questions about what to use and how to set it up.”
“Oh, it’ll have to be my husband. I mean, I know what it all looks like but as far as the equipment, that’s all him.”
“You’re making me feel better about my own ignorance.”

“The Yorkie gets the sofa, though, because he’s a diva.”
“Imagine that, a Yorkie who’s a diva.”
“Yeah, he’s also wearing a sweater that says ‘Boss Man,’ so that tells you everything you need to know.”

[At a stop sign] “Nobody, nobody…meeee!”

“Yeah, S has a best friend who is Filipino and his family are all super smart. Except for Fernando.”

(repost) Overheard: review session edition

“And what kind of adipose tissue does Dr. W. like?”
“Brown fat!”
“Isn’t that in, like, young animals?”
“So would that be like, veal…?”
“I think she likes talking about it.”

“Is that the is-kium?”
“That is the ischium.”

“You may have to pass this class, but I am dropping out tomorrow.”

“I bet I get a 50.”
“I’d be proud to get a 50.”

“Everyone with me?”
“Yup. Calcium in the sarcoplasmic reticulum.”
“Calcium left the sarcoplasmic reticulum.”
“Calcium was in the sarcoplasmic reticulum. And then it left.”

“Oh my God.”
“I would know some of this stuff, guys.”